Fading


I’m nothing but a number of days. A few hours, some minutes, a handful of second. With each passing one, a part of me fades away. Never to return.

Ever.

The hands of the clock tick on steadily, going around in circles. They pass by the same numbers, but each time is different.

Time.

That precious friend. That greatest enemy. So infinite yet very limited. All mine, yet all yours.

Mine.

All the days, hours, minutes and seconds. And all that I want to do with them. Everything and anything; and yet, nothing at all.

Nothing.

Completely empty. Completely useless. Darkness. Disappearing into even more nothingness.

Fading.

(Inspired by Al-Basri and one of my bosses)

Not Even A Pla-


What are you doing with your life? What do you intend to do with your life? What are your plans? What are your aims? Where do you see yourself in five years? Why are you doing this and not that? Why would you want to do that? Why don’t you do this? Aren’t you wasting time? What are you looking for?

Like Rachel in the first season of Friends, I don’t have any beans.

If I did, I wouldn’t be sitting here. Feeling floopy. If I had a plan, I would have let you in on the secret. Better yet, I would be out there “doing” it and making life un-floopy.

For now, all I know is that I don’t know. What or how or when or where or why or why not – nothing! I just have ideas, mixed in with lots of vagueness and indecision and doubts and questions. I just know that I’m ordinary, your below-average Joe; a nameless, faceless avatar of a nobody.

   

Or, so far anyway.

I Shouldn’t Be A Blogger


I can’t blog. I just can’t.

It’s not as if I don’t have anything to say though.

I have lots to say. Lots of things and ideas are up there, swishing around. But the actual task of sitting down and typing something – anything! – up seems too tedious. I don’t feel I have the energy. There is just too much distraction.

Or maybe I’ve gotten too used to the slacking.

I mean, it’s really easy to blame Facebook and YouTube for when I am not able to work. But really, if I wanted to, couldn’t I concentrate on the work at hand? Why do I always have to leave things last minute?  Or lose my focus in the middle if I make the mistake to start work a little earlier than the last few hours?

This happens particularly when I’m ‘writing’.

But you know what happens when I do sit down to write?

I write this one amazing sentence that has been swimming in my head for a quite a while now. And then I continue with the story at hand. In a matter of ten minutes, I’ll have filled one whole page, in terms of MS Word.

And then, I’d spot some grave error and have to go back to the beginning. I’d discover that a very vital piece of information in the story line is missing and unless I go back to the beginning, the story won’t make sense.

I have another few amazing sentences littering the screen of my monitor.

But wait! I scroll back up and read through again. It still doesn’t make sense.

Cut this word here. Add that phrase there.

Move back to enjoy the view.

Hmmm…

Nope!

Will have to write the whole thing from scratch.

So all I end up with are random Word files placed around in various folders in my PC, all containing itsy bitsy pieces of the English language. I barely even look at them again.

And it’s all gone down the drain the next time my computer overheats. Oops.

Not that I am worried. I have no precious written material anyway.

Hence, why did I think I could blog? Why did I think I could make sense out of all these voices in my head? Why did I use to think I could make ‘a name’ using my writing skills? Why did I think I’d be able to write? That I’d be disciplined enough to write?

Considering the number of hours that I spend online doing absolutely nothing and being bored to death I could at least try to use my time more creatively. You’d think so!

But all this belongs to the past…It should belong to the past…It is about the here and the now. It is always about the here and the now. …

And the here and the now is here. It is this blog and I…

Electricity’s back. How I Met Your Mother would be coming on Star World soon.

Later.

Oh wait…I should delete the last two sentences…they make me sound so non-serious…

And I think I’ve missed that thing I was thinking about. I will have to rewrite this post…I shouldn’t be a blogger…!

Note to self: Must not hit the ‘publish’ button…whoopsie daisy!