Notes to Self: Be Patient


Be patient.

You can’t control everything. In fact, you can’t control anything. Events, people, time. It’s okay. Be patient.

It might seem as if things won’t work out the way you want them to. And when they do, you won’t like it. It doesn’t matter. Be patient.

Sometimes, the day will slow down. It might even come to a complete standstill. It’ll pass. Be patient. 

Other times, your head feels like it would explode. That your troubles won’t end. They will. Be patient.

The nights might feel endless. Your eyes will burn with sleep but you will toss restlessly. You can rest tomorrow. Be patient. 

Your day will come. Be patient.

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Notes to Self – Be Flexible


Be flexible.

You need to adjust to different situations. Adjust to people. Adjust to their moods. So be flexible.

Don’t be so principled that you don’t see the negative aspects of your actions. You can’t be blind to the effect you have. So be flexible.

You might not like what other people say. You might say something that other people don’t like. So be flexible.

You’re on your own. It’s not going to be easy. So be flexible.

P. S.: Being flexible in bed should help too.

Stay


Hey August,

Stay a little while longer, why don’t you? We can continue to have fun.

Sleeping till late and promising to adopt a proper routine soon everyday.

Eating junk food. Trying to control our junk food intake.

Being a complete potato couch.  Watching horror movies. Microwaving popcorn and being happy they didn’t come out burnt.

Talking to mom in the kitchen as she cooks. Dreaming about being as good as those kids in MasterChef Junior.

Feeling jealous of the people going abroad for studying. Watching little kids talking like smart adults.

Trying to write more than a couple of whiny tweets. Trying to read the books we bought. Being glued to our cellphone.

Buying pretty clothes. Trying to think of ways to pack them best. Making lists and plans.

Wanting to go to lunch with friends. Writing a bucket list. Putting everything off.

Dancing in the monsoon rain. Getting comfortable on the phone. Thinking things might be okay.

Feeling utterly confused and being too bemused to show it. Pretending we’re okay.

Being utterly terrified and too afraid to show it.

And if you don’t stay…If you go, you take it all with you…

Except the fear.

So take my hand and look me in the eye and tell me you won’t leave me. Tell me you won’t succumb to time.

Tell me you won’t leave me alone with my fear.

Tell me.

Please, August. Stay.

Speaking Your Mind


How do you say exactly what’s on your mind? How do you give your listener the exact picture that you’re seeing? That exact array of emotions?

And once another person has heard you, whatever you said becomes toothpaste. You can’t cram the words back in your mouth and swallow them out of existence, no matter how much you want to do so later.

Generally, you have to convince yourself to talk. That talking it out would help you with your problem. You talk yourself into talking. And all the while, your heart pounds like a drum and your throat feels scratchy and you sound squeaky like a boy who hasn’t hit puberty yet.

When you do manage to string two words together and spew them out with sound, it comes out wrong. Of the ocean you want to convey, you barely outline a puddle.

And you realize how futile speaking your mind is. The other person might listen but is not going to understand.

So you trail off, have your palate give your tongue a hug and silently brood on.

Big Day


Something crashed outside loudly and the hefty wind rattled her window as well. It lit up with flashes and the sound of thunder rolled in a few seconds later. This was followed by a scream that was soon lost in the patter of rain.

She cracked one eye open.

It sounds like the world’s ending, she thought.

She was already cozy in bed and half-asleep. She had a big day tomorrow.

Little did she know there would be no tomorrow.

Moonfall


He looked out the window, mesmerized as always.

The moon was right where it always was: nestled between the two mountains as it cascaded down as a waterfall right into the river below.

The river which was the lifeblood of his people. Without the moon and its light and its magic river, they were nothing.

And mesmerized by this glorious sight, he suddenly began wondering. Where does the moon get its power from? What is the…- no, no! He looked away and drew the curtains, shutting off the glow.

His heart thudded loudly in his chest and his breathe became shortened.

What had he almost done? He must not think this. Not at all!

Memories of stories came back to him now. Told in whispers in the shadows. Horrific tales of how fiercely such matters were dealt with.

These kinds of thoughts were not tolerated and they always found out. That was their sole job, to protect the lifeblood of this people. At all costs. With their lives if necessary and anyone else’s when required. And they were good at it.

Too good.

He closed his eyes and sank to his knees, leaning against the wall for support. There was a sudden metallic taste in his mouth – there was no place to hide.

From either the thoughts or them.

These Thoughts


*

“Will leave you in the morning

But find you in the day”

Then stay through the night

As you stare at the ceiling

These thoughts of me

*

A darkness deep

With no ray of light

Nobody to rely on

Nothing else to think of

Except these thoughts of me 

*

All our time together

What could have been

But all that we had

Is all that you threw away

Except these thoughts of me.

*

No blood in your veins

No taste in your mouth

Everything will break

Everything will be lost

Except these thoughts of me.

*

Inspired from the song “In My Veins” by Andrew Belle