Grandparents


My (maternal) grandmother sat there, eyes down. I was accompanying her to the eye doctor’s for a check-up. As she sat there, I couldn’t help but wonder at how dejected she looked.

It was heart-breaking. I can’t even imagine losing my eye sight completely and being so helplessly dependent on people around me. But more than that, it was the age-factor that distressed me. This woman, who was one of the strongest I ever knew, sat there looking so sad, so…

And while the doctor examined her eyes and everything and talked to my mother (who was there too), I sat back and wondered how much I owe her.

From a complete rural background and uneducated herself, she made sure that her oldest daughter (my aunt) attended college, despite much resistance. And her husband, my maternal grandfather made sure he helped her as much as was possible. Picking, dropping, teaching, etc. Of course, that meant there was no question that my mom wouldn’t be going to college.

With my paternal grandfather, I found out at a much later age that he was not kidding when he said he only studied till Grade Three. With his father passing away, he took to work with his elder brother to support their family. Sure he only knew phrases of English, but hearing him talk, you’d never know he wasn’t well-learned/educated. And I remember how my paternal grandmother told me she had studied up to Grade Five, which was a big, big deal at that time. However, she sadly explained that since she didn’t have much use for it, most of it was forgotten in the daily life routine & work.

Of course, they made sure that their kids – ALL of them – went to school as much as possible, and learned enough to survive in the world. And all this is an era where education was considered an added bonus, not a compulsion like in today’s times.

No, I’m not making a case for education. I’m making a case for my grandparents, for the three of them alive and the one who has joined his Maker.

I’m perpetuating their memory, their deeds and their struggles. I’m looking at them withering away in front of my eyes. Slowing down a little each day. And I know that I only have limited moments left with them.

And that I need to make each moment count.

I just hope that the little things that I might be able to do for them these days, count an itsy bitsy towards “repaying” them for all they’ve done.

Afterall, I owe it all to them, by the grace of God, and so, SO, much more!

Love & prayers!

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You Let Her Go


She laughed even when she didn’t want to. She didn’t cry even if she wanted to.

She decided to give everything up for you. Her plans, her preferences, her loyalties. She could be happy any which way. So why not be happy for making you happy.

She didn’t ask for much. But then again, it never occurred to her to do so. She didn’t want things to be different. She didn’t want you to be different.

But you decided it wasn’t enough. She was exactly what you had dreamed of, but she had to be exactly like you had dreamed. To sculpt her into that goddess of your dreams, that was all you wanted. Without realizing that dreams flit away the moment once you awaken from your slumber; but by then, it was too late.

You had let her go.

And she, the creature of sacrifice, the goddess from your dreams, decided you were right. Once again.

So she didn’t even look back once. And you – you let her go.

Inspired by the lyrics of “You Let Her Go – Passenger”

Secret


“I see dead people,” he said.

This was the first time he had said it out loud. He just hoped she didn’t think he was crazy. But he didn’t think she would. He had only shared his deepest secret with her because he felt a connection with her; like he had never felt before.

She looked right into his eyes and took his hand, so that he could see – know – that she didn’t think him crazy. Not at all. In fact, she thought they were perfect for each other. She would just hold off telling him her secret for a little while longer, though.

And why not? After all, she had all the time of the afterlife.

corpse-bride

These Thoughts


*

“Will leave you in the morning

But find you in the day”

Then stay through the night

As you stare at the ceiling

These thoughts of me

*

A darkness deep

With no ray of light

Nobody to rely on

Nothing else to think of

Except these thoughts of me 

*

All our time together

What could have been

But all that we had

Is all that you threw away

Except these thoughts of me.

*

No blood in your veins

No taste in your mouth

Everything will break

Everything will be lost

Except these thoughts of me.

*

Inspired from the song “In My Veins” by Andrew Belle