How To Lose Weight?

It’s official…my diet plan really works!

And since I am such a nice and kind-hearted person who is happy only when others are happy and who only wants world peace and uses her birthday candle wish to ask for a pony, I’m going to share my super-secret (so far) and super-successful diet with you.

Magic words: it’s very simple. And does not involve any drinking of yucky cabbage soup. But close your mouth please and don’t drool over your very expensive laptop. It won’t do if you mess it up and can’t read on, you know.

1. Graduate from a four-year long Bachelors programme from a top (and hectic) university in your country.

2. If you lose some weight along the way, it would be just to your advantage. So don’t hesitate to gorge on packets of Lays and Pepsi (or Coke if that is what you prefer) in the five minutes before your next class.

3. Don pajamas and sleep like you over-dosed on sleeping pills. Do not change so that you never waste time changing when you want to sleep. Also, pajamas make good exercising clothes.

4. Exercise is very important. Switch on your computer and log on to Facebook. Hit the refresh button every five seconds.

5. For entertainment, play Tetris Battle in a separate tab. Make-up for lost time and hit the F5 every three seconds. Nothing beats calories and carbs better than F5

6. Whine to your friends how you don’t have a job. Search the online sites whenever the ‘guilt’ feels overwhelming. Then, hit back to FML and iwastesomuchtime.com

7. Eat a chocolate right before you go to bed. You really need the sugar to fall asleep and have good dreams.

8. Have a shouting match with your sister every hour. Gotta exercise those vocal chords too, you know.

9. Take seven (million) days to write a (this) blog post that doesn’t make any sense.

10. Look for a ‘saying’ to put up on the right side of your home page to make yourself feel better. Hit ‘publish’ and check your site hits every sixty seconds.

Like I said, magic! And simple! I’ve lost uncountable blog hits pounds/kilos following the above-mentioned steps.

It looks like my sugar level is low. Time for some chocolate.

[Personal note: It’s no wonder I don’t have a job, you know? I seem to even crack a good joke. It sounded better in my head before. Now the voices are telling me to delete this ASAP. Oh, bugger!]

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