I don’t remember the last time there was a Ramazan with no school. This year, I am home. Hence, too much time equals a swirl of thoughts, most half-formed, begging to be written.
Here, I share some special realizations that are exclusive to this holy month.
1. Women, you are worthless if you can’t cook. You can take an illustrious start by bringing in the trolley of food from the age of six or thereabouts – good practice, you know!
2. Incidentally, your only proper place is – you got it – La Kitchen.
3. An average meal should at least have ten perfectly cooked dishes or it won’t be the true representation of the situation in the country.
4. Using a good cooking oil is the only thing that matters when you’re preparing a meal. Follow this rule to earn the respect of everyone at home, especially the fire-breathing mother-in-law.
5. It is a lot of fun to grab that plate of samosas and run away to the courtyard while other people chase you to get it.
6. Do you see the guy (who looks ten years younger than you) sitting across the table from you and watching you hungrily? Yeah, him! Wouldn’t it have been logical to serve him some fish too? He seems…hungry!
7. People have a lot of courage. Karachi-ites are surviving. Politicians keep playing the blame game. And the cougar aunty in Pepsi ad is back for another ‘episode’. There is no such thing as bad publicity, right? *takes a sip of her Pepsi*
8. Jingles have a habit of getting stuck in your head so bad that you want to carve out your brain and stab it to death. Ok, well, maybe not. But they are still too annoying.
9. It is way way more important for the Prime Minister to reach home in time for iftar. He’s the only one fasting.
10. It is ironic; for a month of abstinence, we spend even more time thinking about food than we would under normal circumstances. (Guilty!)