Notes to Self – Be Flexible

Be flexible.

You need to adjust to different situations. Adjust to people. Adjust to their moods. So be flexible.

Don’t be so principled that you don’t see the negative aspects of your actions. You can’t be blind to the effect you have. So be flexible.

You might not like what other people say. You might say something that other people don’t like. So be flexible.

You’re on your own. It’s not going to be easy. So be flexible.

P. S.: Being flexible in bed should help too.

It Is Time

It is time. 

Things are never going to be the same. I am never going to be the same. The thought both excites and terrifies me at the same time. 

In this mix of old and new, I get comfort and adventure. Familiarity and exhilaration. Most of the time, I love it. Other times, anxiety tightens its grip around my heart.

Despite this, I don’t think I’d have this any other way. For him and with him, near or far, I can face it all. 

I want to face it all. It is time. 


Hey August,

Stay a little while longer, why don’t you? We can continue to have fun.

Sleeping till late and promising to adopt a proper routine soon everyday.

Eating junk food. Trying to control our junk food intake.

Being a complete potato couch.  Watching horror movies. Microwaving popcorn and being happy they didn’t come out burnt.

Talking to mom in the kitchen as she cooks. Dreaming about being as good as those kids in MasterChef Junior.

Feeling jealous of the people going abroad for studying. Watching little kids talking like smart adults.

Trying to write more than a couple of whiny tweets. Trying to read the books we bought. Being glued to our cellphone.

Buying pretty clothes. Trying to think of ways to pack them best. Making lists and plans.

Wanting to go to lunch with friends. Writing a bucket list. Putting everything off.

Dancing in the monsoon rain. Getting comfortable on the phone. Thinking things might be okay.

Feeling utterly confused and being too bemused to show it. Pretending we’re okay.

Being utterly terrified and too afraid to show it.

And if you don’t stay…If you go, you take it all with you…

Except the fear.

So take my hand and look me in the eye and tell me you won’t leave me. Tell me you won’t succumb to time.

Tell me you won’t leave me alone with my fear.

Tell me.

Please, August. Stay.

Day 53

My aunt and her munchkins’ visit was great. I miss all their cute little antics.

Clothes seem to dominate my life. I desperately need time for myself. Also, desperately need to give time to beautifying stuff, as horrid as it sounds.

I’m worried about my remaining grandmother. She is not well.

I have also spent some time in the kitchen, as mum was with her. I don’t like it but I get the feeling I can conquer this mountain in some time.

Life overall seems…bland and slow. Some might say a lot of excitement awaits me. But I’m not thinking ahead. I don’t want to .

I know I’m going to terribly, terribly miss this slowness and blandness; and I don’t know what I will do with myself.

Around me, people seem to so seamlessly fit into their new lives and roles…HOW do they do that? What’s the secret? Can someone please tell me?

Meanwhile, the clock ticks on.